Psychologist Tanya Dharamshi and her colleagues from LightHouse Arabia share effective strategies for balancing personal and parental responsibilities, allowing you to foster a healthy connection with yourself and your children.
Sometimes it can feel that the concept of mental wellbeing and being a mother cannot coexist. As parents we work every day to ensure our children’s needs are met and in doing that, the day can often get eaten up, leaving no time for oneself. Twenty-four hours does not feel like it is enough time to do all that mothers need to do. You must be the driver, the chef, the doctor, the nurse, the party planner, the teacher, the playmate, the nurturer and the chief operating officer; often while working full time.
Tanya Dharamshi says she learned quickly that to ensure enough time for herself and her mental health, while still trying to show up for her family in the most authentic and supportive manner, meant finding small moments of self-care in the day instead of waiting for extended periods to miraculously be available.
Breath work
Every morning when I wake up, I sit in silence in my bed for a few moments, place my hand on my heart and my stomach, take five deep breaths and say “Thank you” for the day. I do not touch my phone for the first half an hour to ensure I am not jolting my brain into stress action mode, but rather allowing myself to stay in a place of connectivity to my body and my breath. When my children were young I would sit with them and “blow our bellies up like balloons”, doing breath work with them as well.
Playtime!
What a wonderful time to stay present with our children and reconnect with our own inner child. Use this time to engage with creativity within yourself. My favourite activity was using dry erase markers and drawing with my children on the big windows we have in the house – of course with music on and the occasional breakout into a dance off with them.
Ground yourself
A handful of times during the day, I take a moment to ground myself. I do this by walking barefoot on the floor or carpet, taking deep breaths in with a longer exhale out, and placing ice packs or cold water on the sides of my neck and then my wrists (or pulse points) for a few minutes. This helps me reset and relax my vagal nerve, which allows me to have a calm approach to what comes next.
Language
I am mindful of the language I use towards myself. Showing up for myself with kindness and compassion is important. Removing judgement, meaning words such as good, bad, right, wrong, must and should, and leaning into my responses and feelings with curiosity and acceptance of myself as a human helps me to show up the same way for my family. This gives my family the permission to be gentle with themselves as well, exploring their emotions with the same curiosity, kindness and acceptance towards themselves and others.
Bedtime
The bedtime routine with my children was used to connect with them in a safe, curious space when they were younger. We would do a guided story meditation. It gave my children the tools to come into awareness of their body and allowed me the opportunity to meditate – a win-win for all! Now that my children are older, every evening before I go to sleep, I take my five deep breaths, with my eyes closed and a hand on my heart and stomach. I then write down three things I am grateful for in a journal by my bedside and listen to binaural beats as I fall asleep, which allows me to stay in a deep sleep longer, improving my cognitive functioning and mood.
As Tara Dharamshi reflects on all the quick and impactful ways she has managed her mental wellbeing over the years, she reached out to other psychologists who are mothers at LightHouse Arabia for their insight.
Here are some tools that mother and psychologist Dr Saliha Afridi uses to stay balanced.
An intentional start
Most mornings I wear a facial sheet mask, do some deep breathing and meditate or have a mindful cup of tea before beginning my day. This way I have tended to myself before I prepare to be of service to everyone else.
Checking in
Throughout the day I take five minute breaks in between my meetings, at lunch time or before I head back home from work. During these pauses, I check in with myself by doing a body scan. I ask myself “Do I need anything?”
Saving energy
On days where I am tired or overwhelmed, I conserve energy by taking an Uber. It is amazing how much energy and thinking goes into driving! You may benefit from cutting a different corner, but whatever works for you is definitely worth it!
Lastly, we hear from psychologist Summer Fakhro about the easy tips and tricks she employs to balance her wellbeing and her role as a mother.
No phone
I sleep with my phone outside my room. This gives me the permission to maximise my sleep and not have the temptation to check the time if I wake up in the middle of the night.
Wake up first
I try to wake up ten minutes before my children do to engage in regular breathwork or meditation practice. This helps me connect my mind and my body and set my intention for the day.
It is important to remember that as parents, the best way for us to show up for our children in a manner that fosters healthy growth is for us to be in tune with ourselves, to be compassionate, to be gentle and to be forgiving with ourselves. These hacks from the psychologists (and mothers!) at LightHouse Arabia should help you along in your journey of parenthood.
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