Dr Bisi Laniyan, Clinical Psychologist and Adult Specialist at Sage Clinics offers her expert insight into navigating the challenges of midlife as a woman and mother.
Many mothers experience the phenomenon of a ‘midlife crisis’. Perhaps you’ve just celebrated a milestone birthday, and suddenly, the reality of your own mortality hits home – you’re not as young as you used to be. Or maybe your children have flown the nest, leaving you with a profound sense of emptiness and uncertainty about how to fill your days. You might feel a mix of nostalgia and anticipation, wondering what’s next in this uncharted territory. For so many women and mums, these significant life events or role transitions often trigger what we call a ‘midlife crisis.’
Understanding the midlife crisis
The term ‘midlife’ typically refers to the age range of 40 to 60, but it’s more about a life stage than a specific number. The renowned psychologist Carl Jung described it as ‘the afternoon of life,’ a phase distinct from both early and later adulthood. This period often ushers in existential questions such as, “What’s the meaning of life?” and “What have I accomplished?” It’s a time for deep introspection and pondering over whether you are living your true purpose or fulfilling the role you want to be within your family and society in general.
For many mothers, this introspective journey is accompanied by the practical concern of how to fill newfound free time. The increase in unstructured time can mean unresolved issues from the past may surface, leading to regrets about unfulfilled dreams and dissatisfaction with the current state of life.
Common signs of a midlife crisis include behaving in unusual ways, driven by a longing for youth. This might lead to impulsive actions like sudden changes in appearance, lifestyle, or social circles. Additionally, women may experience increased irritability, unexplained sadness and fatigue, alongside physical changes, often coinciding with menopause.
Identity issues
A common struggle during midlife is with identity – reflecting on how you have spent your life and how you will spend the rest of it. Society and media often paint ageing in a negative light, but this stage doesn’t have to be doom and gloom. Instead, it can be a golden opportunity for rediscovery and setting new goals.
Think about the things you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to. Now is the perfect time to focus on your own needs, revive dormant dreams, and pursue long-neglected interests. Remember the viral social media video of a 94-year-old grandfather enrolling in computer school? It’s a brilliant reminder that learning is continuous and has no age limit.
Values over opinions
This period can inspire you to live the rest of your years aligned with your core values. Values are what matter most to us, giving our lives meaning and guiding our decisions. For instance, if contributing to your community is important to you, getting involved in local activities can nurture this value. Living in alignment with our values keeps us connected to our true selves and can help balance the existential dread that often accompanies a midlife crisis.
Intentional connection
Research consistently shows that having supportive and meaningful relationships significantly enhances our quality of life, making us happier and healthier. As a mum, your social connections might need some attention at this new stage of life. Reconnecting with family and friends or joining new social groups can infuse your life with fresh energy, new friendships, and a renewed sense of purpose. You might also want to focus on spending more quality time with yourself if that’s something you’ve put on hold amongst the bustle of busy family life.
Avoid hasty decisions
In the throes of a midlife crisis, it’s tempting to make big decisions to alleviate any uncomfortable feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. However, it’s so important to slow down and consider what’s truly important to you. Talk through your options with a trusted friend and give yourself the time and mental space to fully think things over. This can help you make well-considered decisions that aren’t driven by insecurity or the pressure of ‘time passing.’
Changing the lens
Ageing is a natural and inevitable part of life. What might seem like a bleak moment can actually be reframed as an opportunity for growth. Remember that you’ve successfully navigated life transitions before, and this stage is no different! Embracing new identities or aspects to yourself, as well as fresh perspectives during transitions in life can be a positive catalyst for really meaningful transformation as a person.
Redefining yourself
Take this time to redefine yourself and thrive in ways you never imagined. Midlife is not the end; it’s a new chapter full of potential and possibilities. Focus on what brings you joy, cultivate your passions and build real connections that actually enrich your life. This is your chance to live with intention and authenticity, making the most of the beautiful, unique journey that is your life. So, to the best of your abilities, embrace your midlife journey with open arms and an open heart, and watch as you rediscover your true self, with full permission to live a life that resonates with your deepest values and desires.
For more information, visit appointments@sage-clinics.com to book an appointment.
Image Credit: ShutterStock