Losing a grandparent: Supporting children through grief

When a grandparent passes away, it can be so difficult for children to process. Here are ten strategies to help your child with their emotions.

Helping children cope with the loss of a grandparent can be an emotional and challenging journey for any family. For many children, this might be their first experience with grief, so guiding them through it with compassion, understanding and patience is key. Here are ten ways to help children navigate these difficult emotions while feeling safe, loved and supported.

An honest conversation

When a grandparent passes away, children often have questions. While it can be tempting to shield them from sadness, using age-appropriate honesty is important. Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep,” as they can lead to confusion. Instead, gently tell the truth in the way that feels most comfortable or right for your family. Encourage questions and validate their emotions, letting them know it’s okay to feel sad, confused or even angry.

For younger children, use simple language and avoid overwhelming details. Older children may have more complex questions, so you can delve into the topic a bit deeper, ensuring that they understand what’s happened without getting overly technical.

Talk about good times

Helping your child remember their grandparent’s life can bring comfort. Talk about the qualities that made their grandparent so special, the memories they shared and the fun times they had. You could create a ‘memory jar’ together, where family members write down memories on slips of paper to place in the jar. This can help children focus on the positive aspects of their grandparent’s life and cherish the bond they had.

You might also create a scrapbook or photo album together, adding pictures, notes and drawings. This activity can help them understand that, even though their grandparent is no longer physically present, the memories and love they shared will always remain.

Expression is key

Children can struggle to express grief because they may not fully understand what they’re feeling. It’s best to gently coax your child to talk about their emotions and remind them that there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong way to feel. Some kids might express sadness, while others might feel confused or even guilty. Let them know all feelings are valid and that talking about them can help.

If your child isn’t ready to talk, it might be better to get them to express their feelings in other ways, such as drawing or writing. Art can be a therapeutic outlet for little ones to explore their emotions when words feel too difficult.

A sense of routine

After a grandparent’s passing, keeping to familiar routines can provide a sense of stability and security for young children. Even if emotions are high, try to maintain regular mealtimes, school schedules and family activities. Familiar routines can help children feel grounded and remind them that, despite the changes, their world is still a safe and predictable place.

Of course, be flexible when needed – some days may be more challenging than others and it’s okay to allow for extra time to rest or relax if your child needs it.

Farewell rituals

Involving children in any farewells, such as a memorial or funeral, can give them a chance to say goodbye in a meaningful way. Let them know what to expect and, if appropriate, give them the option to participate in a way that feels comfortable for them. For instance, they might want to bring a drawing, read a poem or place a small object of theirs with their grandparent. These gestures help children feel involved and provide a sense of closure.

If a traditional funeral feels too overwhelming, consider creating a special family ritual instead. You could have a quiet family dinner in memory of their grandparent, visit a favourite spot they enjoyed, or release balloons with messages. Do what feels best for your family, but make sure children have the opportunity to take part in saying goodbye.

The power of books

Stories are a powerful way to help children understand complex emotions. Many children’s books cover topics like grief and loss in ways that are both sensitive and accessible for kids. Reading stories about characters who experience similar losses can help children feel less alone in their grief and provide examples of healthy ways to cope.

Some popular choices include The Invisible String by Patrice Karst, which teaches that love connects us even after someone is gone, and When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown, which addresses various aspects of death and grief in a simple, reassuring way.

Changing reactions

Grief isn’t a one-time event – it’s an ongoing process that children may revisit over time. A child who seems to have moved past their sadness may experience a new wave of grief when faced with reminders or significant events, such as holidays or birthdays. Be patient and open to revisiting the conversation as new questions or feelings arise.

Children may also express grief in ways that don’t look like sadness. Changes in their behaviour, sleep patterns or even school performance can all be signs that they’re processing their emotions. Check in with them gently and offer your reassurance as they work through their feelings.

Reassurance and stability

When a loved one dies, children may feel uncertain or even fearful about losing others they care about. Reassure them that, while loss is a part of life, they are safe and loved. Let them know you’re there for them, you can answer questions and you’ll help them through tough days. Remind them that they’re surrounded by people who care for them.

If they’re struggling to sleep due to worry, consider creating a comforting bedtime routine that includes relaxing activities, such as reading, listening to calming music, or simply spending a few extra minutes together.

Connect with family

After a grandparent’s loss, leaning on family members can help children feel a sense of unity and shared emotions. Encourage time with their close relatives – like aunts, uncles and cousins – who may also be grieving. This shared experience can help children understand that loss is something others experience too and that they aren’t alone in their sadness.

Family gatherings, even informal ones, can offer a comforting environment for everyone to feel supported. Sharing stories, looking at photos or simply being around each other can be soothing and affirming.

Getting extra help

While grief is a normal response to loss, some children may need additional help. If your child seems to be struggling long-term – displaying symptoms of depression, withdrawal, prolonged anxiety or drastic behavioural changes – it may be best to speak with a counsellor or child therapist. Mental health professionals are equipped to help children navigate difficult emotions and can provide coping strategies tailored to their age and personality.

Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a way to ensure that your child has the tools they need to process loss in a healthy and constructive way.

Coping with the loss of a grandparent is a process that takes time, understanding and compassion. By creating a safe and loving environment, you can help your child move through their grief in a healthy way. By supporting them through this experience, in both words and actions, you’re helping them build resilience and find peace, even in the face of loss.

Image Credit: ShutterStock

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